are you okay?

you look sad.

Yeah, Dan, I guess I am..It's interesting how others can see what we don't about ourselves. I was trying to make believe that I was trusting in God and I was pulling off the approaching finals well. I was suppressing. And of course, when I suppressed it, it surfaced.

The night before my first final--engineering 28. I've been barely holding on to faith in Him, so overwhelmed with what I don't understand or know; at times even dropping my faith and freaking out for brief moments until I realize He's got control. There's a tense feeling in my chest telling me that I haven't handed everything over. The tenseness is fear taking over. But "there is no fear in love. Perfect love drives out fear..." (1 John 4:18) And I have perfect love so why can't I hold on to His hands and know that it will be okay?

Nichole Nordeman- "Help Me Believe"
Take me back to the time
When I was maybe eight or nine
And I believed
when jesus walked on waters blue
and If he helped me I could too
If I believed

Before rational analysis and systematic thinking
Robbed me of a sweet simplicity
When wonders and when mysterys
Were far less often silly dreams
and Childhood fantasys

CHORUS:
Help me believe
'cause I don't want to miss any miracles
Maybe i'd see
Much better by closing my eyes
and I would shed this grown up skin I'm in
To touch an Angels wing
And I would be free
Help me believe

When mustard seeds made mountians move
A burning bush that spoke for you
was good enough
when manna fell from heavens high
Just because you told the sky to open up

Am I to wise to recognize that everythin uncertain
is certainly a possibility
When logic fails my reasoning
and science crushes underneath
The weight of all that is unseen

CHORUS

When someone elses education
plays upon my reservation
I'm the first to cave
I'm the first to bleed
If I abondoned all that seeks
To make my faith informed and chic
Could you?
would you?
show your self to me?

I really like this song. I need Him to help me believe again. I will not limit Him. I will not lose eye contact. I will love Him, His ways, and His plan. He is holding this...it's out of my hands. Oh God, let that be a comfort...it's out of my hands.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield;
in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped.
My heart exalts, and with my song
I give thanks to Him." Psalm 28:7

I may not understand a lot of things that I need for my final. I may not be equipped at all, but God owns all this stuff, literally. He is the Creator. He made datums, tolerances, descriptive geometry, and solid works, so He can surely bring me through this. Fear means doubt His presence or His ability. O Lord, be exalted. You reign victorious. Give me a peace beyond my own understanding. Thank you, Jesus.